eat me gluten!

Also: Some Thoughts on Eos Lip Balm

So, my smartest uncle recently got in touch with some feedback on my blog; namely, that all the “huggy boyfriend love stuff” was pretty nauseating.

At first I was like, “Darn!” and figured I better stop being so earnest so people would think I was intelligent.  Then I remembered that most people are disdainful of genuine expressions of love because they have chosen relationships that are both painful and humiliating…so my relative happiness was probably going to upset them regardless.  

Does this photo make you angry because when you try to sit on your partner’s lap, he/she hulks out and attempts to throw you through the nearest window?

Still, I try to take all critical feedback seriously.  So that night, instead of going home and giving my boyfriend a hug—and saying the usual, “Ugh, babe, I missed you…Seriously where were you all day?…Hold me closer, tiny dancer, etc.”—I experimented with a look that spoke of rage and negativity.

I am filled with rage and negativity!

Filled.

And then I attempted to strangle him.

My uncle also mentioned that my blog could use more negative reviews.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to talk about Eos gluten-free lip balm in a bad light:

It smells okay—sure, fine—but you can’t have it for breakfast or anything.    They’re shaped like eggs but they’re not real eggs.  Basically I ate a bunch of it yesterday morning and it tastes like shit*.  

*I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the publicity people at Eos for sending me some free samples of their lip balm.  Despite being less nourishing than actual eggs, they are okay as actual lip balm, especially the blueish one, which is mint-scented and tingles (refreshingly) on my mouth.  Also the egg shape is cool looking.