Apparently all macaroons are naturally gluten-free (read: inferior?) but the point is that my boyfriend brought me home macaroons, which is adorable.
Jennies COCONUT Macaroons (this is the way the capitalization is distributed on the label, I guess out of consideration for people who hate COCONUT) seemed like a cute thing at first. I assumed that Jennie was a girl like Lucy, and that the lack of apostrophe was a mistake on behalf of the COCONUT COPYWRITER, who was probably too preoccupied with delicious macaroons to type any other way than with his toes, so that his fingers might be free for stuffing more macaroons into his face.
Anyway it turned out that Jennie is actually Arnold Jennie, a terrifying looking man who should not be on the label of anything.
Here I used a frightened eyeball as a reference point for the size of Arnold’s serial killer face.
“100% Natural COCONUT, brought to you by the most unnatural of blood drinkers”
For the record, Jennies SULFITEFREE LACTOSEFREE SOYFREE WHEATFREE GLUTENFREE DAIRYFREE YEASTFREE COCONUT macaroons are also LEAD FREE, GRAVEL FREE, and (much to the chagrin of Arnold) HUMAN BLOOD FREE. (On a side note, Arnold is currently dating the deceased Dr. Bronner.)
But back to the point of how Jennies macaroons actually taste: they taste like macaroons, which I do not particularly like—not because I dislike COCONUT, but because, being gluten-free to begin with, Jennies do not taste like an imitation of anything better than themselves. They strive for nothing. And the packaging makes them look like lard or something from the 70’s.
My boyfriend likes them, though! And I like my boyfriend.