LARABAR “cashew cookie” and MRS. MAY’S “trio” bar: brought to you by “Oops! We Made a Thing That Tastes Like Poop, Inc.”
Seriously though: I feel the need to apologize for what may have seemed like derisive comments about Glutino Dream Cookies and Schar Chocolate Dipped Cookies, both of which actually taste like real food.
When I first bit into the Larabar, I tried not to make a face, and mentioned in a small voice to my boyfriend that “it sort of tastes like how ham smells.” He then took a small test nibble and shouted the following:
“OH HOW I HATE IT, I CAN’T GET THE TASTE OUT, SOMEONE CUT OFF MY TONGUE, IT’S JUST AWFUL.”
Each of us then tried the Mrs. May’s “trio” bar and responded like this:
Me: “Ew.”
Boyfriend: “THIS IS AN AWFUL THING MADE BY HORRIBLE PEOPLE. I DON’T WANT IT IN MY HOUSE. I THINK WE SHOULD FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET BECAUSE THE TRASH IS TOO GOOD FOR IT. I’m stunned.”
Conclusion 1: No one should eat this so-called “cashew cookie” or “trio” bar, which taste like fecal meat and Fruity Pebbles packed in garbage, respectively.
Conclusion 2: No hug today, too busy lying on our backs holding hands saying “this is fun, this is better” to distract ourselves from the truly terrible taste in our mouths that somehow seems to linger even after brushing, flossing, and hazardous amounts of mouth wash.
