I found out the other day that the reason I’ve been shitting my pants once a month for the past decade is due to a gluten sensitivity. I’d gotten pretty used to shitting my pants and had never been too embarrassed about it. But in addition to that problem I’d also started to have an uncomfortable, pregnant looking belly after every bite of anything. Also my stomach roared like a lion in public and scared people. Also I couldn’t walk upright and went around hunched over and moaning like a Disney witch who’d accidentally ingested her own poison. Or in my case gluten.
I’m not happy about this sensitivity you know why? Mostly because my favorite foods up til now have been bagels and all kinds of cookies. Since finding out about this allergy two whole days ago I’ve already given up once and eaten an entire pizza and then another one because why the hell not if my life is basically over? That was not a good day. That was the kind of day where I threw away my pants because why bother.
Anyway, luckily I have this really great boyfriend who I love like crazy and who anticipated my being mega depressed/homicidal about what I (think rightly) saw as the end of my good life as I knew it*. When he found out the gluten free thing he decided to show me that life was still worth living and took it upon himself to bring me home one gluten free snack every week**. I rank them here***.
*I love you boyfriend
**No seriously you bring me food who are you an angel? I love you.
***Even the ones that taste like cardboard I still love you.